Fix my car & I'll blow your mind

I have a jeep commander, it needs work done. I bet you do too 😉 I am amazing company, thicc, clean, single & tattooed. The list is:

Shift cable brushing

My exhaust is tied up with a coat hanger & has a small rust hole in it

My rad fan died so it overheats & there's no air conditioning (that was great when it hit 45°)

The interior lights don't come on when you open the doors anymore

The doors quit locking with my key fob(dead battery?)

I need shocks & front struts

Pretty sure I needed an oil change starting about a month ago. 😅

I'm looking for a mechanic for exchange of services... I am really good at all I can do, and in exchange for helping me fix up my car... I will do anything for, to, or with you. I am tight, I am flexible, I am single, unattached, & have been celibate. I am clean & disease free. So. If you can help me out, I can definitely help you out. Since the list is long, I am offering myself for an entire weekend, free of charge. Tune me up babyyy 😫😩 I am thiccc, pierced & tattooed.